I wish the photo quality was better. I'll put up more soon.


( Drawn from a live model )

( Copper Plate Etching on Canvas with Acrylic )

I draw the signage for my store and this has to be one of the best parts of my job. Other stores I've been in just draw the lettering and that's it, but the artist in me has to add my own "little extra". After I move up to store manager for a while, I'm going to go forward with my pursuit of the advertising aspect of the company so I can fully utilize my degree in ART. I enjoy retail very much but I know it's not what I want for the rest of my life. If I can't get into advertising with Starbucks, I'll be starting my own business of running my own gallery. Hell, I'll probably do that anyway. I'll soon post my own artwork here.



( Komodo Dragon )

( Yukon Blend )

( Caffe Verona )

I'm hitting my "afternoon lull". For some reason, around 3 or 4 o'clock, I get suddenly tired and want a nap. Only I don't have time for one. I have to start getting ready for my meeting soon and all I want to do is curl up in bed for an hour. Luckily, the meeting won't last too long and I can come home when it's all finished and be here with B who is lucky enough to be getting HIS nap in right now. Lucky bastard. =P

Michelle Duggar is pregnant with her 18th child. We all know what that means for many of us LJers who participate in some of the communities. The CF communities are having a ball bashing the family once again. Comments involving the words "wizard" and "sleeve" are surfacing once again to describe Mrs. Duggar's lady parts. I think I must be a horrible Childfree woman in that I don't give a rat's ass what the Duggar family does.

I'm not surprised she's pregnant again. She and Mr. Duggar have said that they plan to keep expanding their ever-growing clan. They appear to be doing exactly that. She's not saying every couple should do this, just that it is right for her and her husband. Cool. It makes them happy. The family actually seems VERY happy which I happen to think is one hell of an accomplishment for a family of that size. Eh, call me bold.

I know I'm not the ONLY CFer who thinks this way, it's just that many of the community participants overwhelmingly and rabidly seem to care way too much what other people do with their reproductive systems. Is 18 kids excessive? Perhaps, but who am I to say? And honestly, who the hell are they, people who don't even WANT kids, to say that someone else shouldn't have any more than X amount of children?

Now here's my confession: When I realized I did not want children of my own, I was like a kid with a shiny new toy. I let people know, I even participated in what is now in retrospect, a VERY embarrasing debate about CF terms that I don't even use anymore. That's right. I am now pretty much disgusted that children are described as "crotch fruit" and parents as "breeders" or more specifically, "moos" and "duhs". I started to calm down once the newness wore off, when I realized I was acting like a high-schooler and when I realized that nobody REALLY gives a damn that I don't want kids. Those who do (I think I've only found ONE and this person is some obscure blogger who is likely to just be trying to rouse the rabid ones) are not worth my time. I truly couldn't care less about being "bingoed".

Yet, so many people who don't want children seem to put WAY too much time and energy into caring about those who want and/or have children. Some of them rant and rave about children in public places (geez, let's just lock 'em all up until they're 18, shall we?). Others bitch and moan about bad parenting and some seem obsessed with breastfeeding or other child-rearing methods that only people with children should really concern themselves with. I realized that the reason I AM CF is so I DON'T have to care about these things.

This is a beautiful thing for me, not having to worry. Many of my friends have children. B and I babysit sometimes and enjoy it. We get to do the fun part; playing with and entertaining a kid. Watching movies we haven't seen in YEARS, marveling over the cool new toys that weren't around when we were little, watching a young mind develop and see those gears turning as they figure out something. One of the funniest moments is when B lets Avery go to town on the keyboard. And the faces they make are so comical! Then Mom and Dad come to pick them up and we don't have to worry if we're making a bad impact on the kid or have to worry about if we're feeding them the wrong foods. It's none of my business if someone chooses to breastfeed, have a C-section or what method of discipline are they using. I don't HAVE TO worry. I think as long as they are doing what they see fit, with sound mind and the best of intentions, that is, they are not abusive or negligent, who cares? Who am I to judge? I don't even want kids of my own, after all and furthermore, I don't give a damn who does.

True, I find the "soccer-mom and dad" types annoying but...who doesn't besides well, those type of parents? Yes, I'm annoyed by people who can't talk about anything other than their children while they're children run wild and they turn their heads, but that might occupy my mind for, oh...two seconds. No more than an eyeroll and then I move on and really, why judge so harshly? Needless to say, I don't participate in the CF community as much anymore and CF_Hardcore was wiped from my list LONG ago. When I try to now, I feel frustrated so I just don't say anything anymore because it's useless. There are some members of the community who are on my friends' list who tend to share the same mentality so I know I'm not a lone wolf. I now find it very amusing and annoying at the same time how so many of these people who don't want children become child-rearing experts and Internet OB/GYNs (i.e. discussing the state of Mrs. Duggar's vagina).

Why do I care that they do? Probably because it gives me something to do when I'm incredibly bored. Maybe it's been building up for a while or I'm tired of being lumped into the same category with people who nobody would want to fuck in the first place that have shitty attitudes.

Last night, I closed the store yet again. I really like closing. Not sure why, I just do. I guess because it keeps me busy and my ADD self likes to stay busy. I swear if I won the lottery, I would need to keep a part time job just to keep from going nuts with boredom. I'm not the kind of person who likes to sit around the house all day (unless it's to recover from a long-ass work week).

Being the good little shift supervisor I am, I make sure my partners have completed their tasks as I pour my nearly-ritualistic, end-of-the-day cup of triple-filtered ice water. Sort of a reward to myself. I try calling B to see if he needs anything before I get home. He's already asleep because otherwise his phone wouldn't go to voicemail. I'll stop by QuikTrip anyway.

I pull up to a pump so I can get a little gas before my new debit card comes in and I use the automated, pay-at-the-pump system with my copy of B's debit card. It won't put my transaction through. Hm. Oh well, I'll prepay inside. Something must be wrong with the machine. A tall, thin gentleman about my age range (late 20s, early 30s) who has just hopped off his crotch rocket sees me and opens the door for me. He has sandy-colored hair and blue eyes.

I go into the overly air-conditioned store with it's bright flourescent lights. This is one of those very-well lit, mega-stations. 36 pumps, I think? I would not want to see the light bill for that place. Really. I get two AMP energy drinks for B and wait in line, the cold sodas are beginning to cramp my hands. To my relief, I set them down. Patrick is working again. I've become a midnight regular here and most of the time, none of the stuff I'm buying is for me. Unless it's the Habanero Doritos I treat myself to every once in a while.

I order my gas, B's smokes and Patrick scans the drinks. I hand over the card. Debit. Decline. Patrick tries it again as credit. Decline. Weird... I know we have enough. No biggie, I had bought a two-fer pack of smokes for myself earlier. B can have the other half and call PayPal in the AM. He still has Mt. Dew in the fridge anyway. He can drink that. I'm still perplexed, but there's nothing I can do about it right now anyway. I head home.

I'm not even 1/4 a block from the store when I see the crotch rocket speeding close to me. Next to my car. Not gonna race, buddy. This is a 4-cylinder. I make the circular turn onto Fielder Rd. He's still behind me. He gets RIGHT. NEXT. TO. MY. CAR. Um...is there something wrong with my car? He makes the "roll down your window" motion. Something inside me says to do it. It's okay this time, really. Odd, no alarms going off in my head and I don't trust ANYONE, hardly.

He extends his arm. A brand new pack of Marlboros is in his hand. He nods at me to take it. My jaw drops. "Oh. My..."

"I noticed your card didn't work, so I figured you needed some help."

"Wha...Oh...Wow...THANKS!" I'm in awe. He doesn't know me. A random stranger. I thank him profusely. He nods and disappears into the night, turning left as I head straight, through the green light. I'm so awestruck, stuck between maniacal laughter and tears the rest of my drive.

Just when I'm about to lose all faith in humanity, being the misanthrope I am, someone does something amazing. Last week, it was one of my customers giving me a box of tea for no reason other than us giving him hot water when he's broke so he can make his own tea. Maybe I haven't completely given up on everyone. Maybe there are more people like me who believe in doing something good for someone else...just because. It's people like this that remind me to "pay it forward". Next opportunity I get to do so, I will.

For all us old B&B fans:


see more cute dogs and puppies



I had a good, nearly peeing myself, laugh over this.

The other night I had this dream that this big fucking asteroid hit the UK. Oddly enough, it did NOT hit Ireland. I guess we are a lucky people after all? I'm still waiting to see some more of this so-called luck. Maybe it goes away with each generation you're born in the U.S. Sort of a depreciative kind of thing.

Edit: Let me add that I have NOTHING against the British! I don't know why I had that dream...

I've sold two paintings already!

My grandmother, my dad, my mom and myself.

It's either my coffee pot, my french press, my espresso machine or at work (Starbucks).

Gotta love that North Texas weather. It's freezing today. There was freezing rain with some snow flurries last night. We rarely get good snow and it's never more than 3-4 inches that melts the next day. Usually when they say "Winter Advisory" it means all the roads are an ice-skating rink and nobody needs to be driving but people are morons and there is ALWAYS a major wreck- excuse me, 2-3 major wrecks.

North Texas weather is fickle and it seems this week is no different. All week, it has been cold. Not really bone-chilling, but pretty damn cold. Today it is unbearable. In the 30's (I've lived here all my life and 30 is cold, call me a wuss my Northern friends). Tomorrow's forcast? Ready for this shit? 65! Mild and lovely. Yup. This is what our winter has been like. We've had a string of fall-like days when it's supposed to be winter. Then it gets cold. Then mild again.

This constant change in weather of course is brutal on my sinuses. I JUST got over a nasty head cold. I really don't need more sniffling and sneezing. I knew we should have gone to Cali. But I really wanted to move there for the wine.

Dear Nicotine,

DAMMIT to hell! Had I known, I mean REALLY known exactly how hard it would be to give you up, I NEVER would have started with you. I've watched you contribute to the deterioration of my father's health my entire life and I recently saw how you hurt B. You kept him sick for a month! You killed my great-grandmother.

You keep taking my money that I should be using for more important things. I don't even want to add up a month's worth of your worthless cost.

You take that pleasant, freshly washed smell right out of my hair. My hairdresser can STILL smell you after a good washing.

You are toxic and a waste. You also get me through those rough moments at work and when things are not okay with my personal life. You give me an excuse to step outside and get some air/chat with Charley at work. You add to my experience when I hit the bong or have a stiff drink. I feel like a fool when I give in to you but at the same time, I feel like those glamour girls from the 40s and 50s.

I want to give you up, but I'm still so drawn to you. One day I will snuff you out for good. One day...

C'MOOOOOONNN tax return.

C'MON vacation (first week of Feb! WooHOO!)

C'MOOOOOOONNNNNN promotion!

So I can live more comfortably and stop stressing so damn much.

Oh, and I sold some paintings! Go me!

I figured out what the sugar-free mocha tastes like. Anyone ever tried that nasty-ass powdered hot chocolate? The kind that's 'light' and you're supposed to mix with water? That's what it tastes like!

Even though YouTube kinda sucks now that they've been bought out by Google, it is still a source of entertainment. Out of all the stupid, stupid, STUPID shit, there are a few that catch the eye of many and spread like wildfire. Lonelygirl15, Chris Crocker, and lately, HodgeStansson (search for "Unforgivable"). People are becoming overnight celebrities for doing not much more than goofing off in front of a camera. I don't care how clever or witty you are, it's still goofing off in front of a fucking camera.

[Average Joe Blow Insert Name Here] can become a household name, though I think the 15 minute rule is a little more stringent with internet celebs. Everyone loves you and downloads your videos until the next teen or twenty-something with some free time makes people laugh behind their webcam.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy these type of videos. They become popular for a reason. It may not be the most intellectually stimulating thing, but I gotta hand it to these folks; it's different and dare I say, creative at times. Hey, we can't be serious all the time. You gotta laugh. Hell, I'm sure our grandparents thought the countless sitcoms that our parents were glued to in the 50s and 60s were crap as well. Besides, it's called ENTERTAINMENT for a reason.

I can't help but notice, though, that modern society now has yet another source of entertainment. Let's face it, there ain't shit on TV; most sitcoms suck, the reality shows are SO ridiculous and seem to run together or we're obsessing about some famous skinny bitch and you have watched all your DVDs at least 10 times each. Now you can log on to YouTube or MySpace Video and see someone who is just an everyday nut like yourself with a webcam...and it's funny! Just try to sort through all the bullshit imitations.

If you want people to watch you, don't do a spoof of "Unforgivable" or "Leave Britney Alone" because you just look like a dumbass with a camera. Be yourself, or some form of it. Do it for fun, not to get viewers and HAVE fun doing it (unless you're the "Drive-by Insult" guys, then go fuck yourselves, I hope you get your asses kicked). Stand out and stop trying to blend in so much.

Now, if you all will excuse me, I've got a chicken sandwich and some waffle fries to attend to.

Yeah...went ahead and deleted those comments, BTW. No good reason to keep them up.

I realize this is the great big, badass internet. It's not always a friendly place. I've come to understand that and to not get in a frenzy when someone says something unbelievably stupid/mean/judgemental/etc and I even like debate once in a while.

As far as personally attacking ME. Okay. You can call me whatever you like and believe me, I've been called a few things, my favorite being the beloved "C" word *snickers*!

The way I see it, internet chatrooms, message boards and such come down to one oh-so-eloquent philosophy: "Opinions are like assholes...". I think we all know the end of that little statement, if not, crawl out from under your rock. Throw in people from different age groups, countries, cultures, walks of life, social classes and you have well, a fun, hot mess. Everyone has their opinion and everyone thinks that everyone else gives a shit about said opinion. It's very easy to be vocal when you're behind a computer screen and keyboard, too. More anonymity often means less inhibition, even from the shyest person "IRL".

Sometimes, because everyone has an opinion and a different perception due to the vastness of the World Wide Web and its users, people will clash. Anything you type becomes fodder for the next user to debate and interpret at will. Sometimes people will draw some very odd, farfetched or just downright stupid conclusions from your statement. Arguing ensues.

To say that a person should NEVER get pissed off or offended by what one says on the internet is just unrealistic. Sometimes a person will still cross the line and even those with the thickest skin will get angry.

Recently, I made a post about a debate between myself and B. One user, with whom I've never exchanged dialog except a few replies to comments, jumped at the chance to verbally attack him. He tore my significant other up, down and sideways. He made wild conclusions about the kind of man he felt B was from my fairly short and sweet post. I was appalled and I was actually angry this time. Not only was what this person saying completely untrue, it was out of line for me.

I realize people will be assholes online. I'm fine with that. I'm fine with being called whatever it is you choose to call me. Call me a bitch, a cunt or anything else you can think of. Bonus points for creativity. I'll take anything you give me and throw some shit back at you too. Attacking my family is where I draw the line.

I finally wrote up a little blurb about myself in my user info. Bullet style. Short and sweet.

While I really strive to be a good person mostly by following the "live and let live" philosophy, sometimes I tend to fall short. I try to not have a bad thing to say about anyone most of the time because I'm a believer of karma and the Golden Rule. Unfortunately, certain types of people are my Achilles heel. I'm not even going to go into the vapid, bitchy, self-important, self-righteous soccer mom types I come across on a daily basis as this blog is about one person in particular.

I must preface by saying, though, that I do not hate anyone. It's not part of my principles to hate anyone. This is not to say that I don't dislike some people. I do not view the world through rose-colored glasses. What I'm about to say might sound high-schoolish, mean and in some ways a little shallow, but this person is driving me CRAZY.

( Do I wear it like a hair shirt? )

Not sure what made me think of this today, but I was thinking about how most children barely know anything about art. As a BFA in Art, I love being around ANY fellow art lovers. When I went to the art museum in Chicago, my cousins, 8 and 10 went with my family and myself.

They wandered around with me most of the time, completely enthralled. They asked questions, I shared with them what I knew about certain pieces and their processes. They were fascinated. When I did a triptych for my cousin (their mom) to hang in their entertainment room/basement in Naperville, IL, they were interested. The 8-year-old actively helped me come up with ideas for what to do in their living room. We looked at Warhol, Rothko, Kandinsky and many others online. Her interest astounded me. She told me before I even began the search that she LOVED Warhol!

Though I don't want children of my own, I like being around children sometimes because they remind me of what it was like to be a kid. I have never seen a kid so interested in what most people consider to be a subject for older people. I think I see a little artist and me all over again with her... I'm very proud to call them family.